Nurse, Get the Glaze STAT!

It was like most other Sunday afternoons around here. We were heading home from the Farmer’s Market; downtown Campbell, when the eerie site entered my peripheral vision. It was a new sign, a simple shop sign. It was not very large, and not outrageously colored, but it did grab my attention. All I could think about was “What in God’s name would make a donut Psycho?” A quick U-turn into the parking lot would begin the journey to find out what makes donuts psycho!

According to their website they have taken donuts to the next demented level. They bid a fond farewell to the tired, round ring of lameness, and the drab, time-weathered environment of donut past. Psycho Donuts has taken the neighborhood donut and put it on medication, and given it shock treatment.

Psycho Donuts are very unique and, well, crazy. They are committed to not only be the craziest/fun donut experience you’ll ever have, but one of the most unique places in the South Bay. This is apparent from the minute you step in the front door where you find yourself face to face with a rubber room. I understand if you are lucky enough to find yourself there at the right time you can be strapped into the rubber room and fed donuts by one of the lovely nurses on staff. The walls are covered with an abundance of quirky local art and sculpture, and psychotic memorabilia, and the counter is filled with donut flavors that could only be described as eclectic.

The S’more is one of the signature donuts in this asylum of sweets. While a s’more does not seem that crazy it gets a bit wacky when you translate it to donut. First you take the fluffiest yeast raised donut you can imagine, these are fluffier! Add a glaze of chocolate icing and top it with gooey marshmallow. Then shards of smashed graham crackers are added and the whole thing is drizzled with more chocolate. I can hear the campfire crackling, can you?

Who can resist a MHT (massive head trauma)? The Psycho Donuts answer to the boring old jelly filled. Another incredibly soft and fluffy yeast raised donut is topped with vanilla icing and a face is drawn on it with chocolate. The center is then filled with berry jelly and the donut guy’s skull is then caved in with a crowbar (kidding), exposing the delicious cerebral jelly!

We tried several other donuts that day, for research purposes only of course, and every one of them was incredible! Some were round, some were square, and some even triangular. No matter what the shape or whether they were stuffed with banana custard and iced with chocolate and topped with dried banana chips, or glazed and filled with juicy chunks of apricot, these are without a doubt some of the best donuts I have ever tasted. Having been a donut baker in the past I feel confident in making that statement.

If you want to experience great donuts and an uber fun atmosphere we definitely recommend Psycho Donuts in Campbell, CA.

Psycho Donuts
2006 Winchester Blvd
Campbell, CA 95008
Phone:(408)378-4540

Exclusive Hell's Kitchen Interview: Chef Matt Sigel.

Here is a treat for all you Hell’s Kitchen fans! We recently had the opportunity to speak with Chef Matt Sigel of season four. While Chef Matt may have not won the prize of the executive chef position at London West, he did provide fans with a whole lot of entertainment.

The Last Bite wanted to know more about Chef Matt, what got him interested in cooking, and where his passion for the culinary arts comes from. Of course we threw in a few questions about Hell’s Kitchen and Chef Gordon Ramsey:

TLB: At what age did you know you were going to be a chef and why?

Chef Matt: I did not go to culinary school until Feb 2000 at Institute of Culinary Education (formerly known as Peter Kumps) I always loved cooking and was offered the opportunity to go to CIA. I turned it down to go work on Wall Street. I starting meeting celebrity chefs in my late 20’s and realized there is no shame of being a chef.

TLB: Where did you attend your training and did you find it easy or difficult?

Chef Matt: I attended ICE. I found it to be ok. I really did not like the majority of my classmates. So it made it difficult. Most of them went out after class while I went to work after class and worked till 1am and had to be in school by 8. They felt bad for each other being tired.

TLB: Knowing what you know now, would you do it again?

Chef Matt: I would have gone at 18 and traveled to Europe.

TLB: What is best advice you would give a home cook that wants to go pro?

Chef Matt: You better learn to eat crow and be passionate. Having an ego will kill you. Always need to learn you can even learn from a dishwasher. Be patient not many make it in this business and don’t name drop.

TLB: If you had only one tip for the home cooking enthusiast what would that be?

Chef Matt: Know your ingredient and appreciate where it comes from and how it gets to your marketplace.

TLB: If you could only have your knives and one gadget, what would that be and why?

Chef Matt: My hand blender. I use that baby for a lot of things. Everyone should own one.

TLB: What is your favorite ingredient, and your favorite way to utilize that ingredient?

Chef Matt: LMAO! Asking a chef what his favorite ingredient is. I do love lobster. Nothing like fresh lobster off the coast of Maine waters. I had this experience in Bar Harbor Maine. I think people are so used to eating it baked or broiled. I have fun with lobster doing ceviche pairing it up with foie gras. Shocking people tempured style with a vanilla bean sauce.

TLB: What is your least favorite ingredient and why?

Chef Matt: I’d say tripe. Look I hate the stuff but I always try it. As a chef or a so called foodie you should taste everything out there. I hate beets. But I love them roasted. I would never ever known that if I just stuck with "I hate that."

TLB: Describe your funniest kitchen incident.

Chef Matt: There is so much funny stuff that goes on in a kitchen. It is high stress so the littlest things are funny. I think hells kitchen when I did you want to see crazy routine. People thought I was going nuts it was me being silly.

TLB: At home who does most of the cooking, and what do you like to eat?

Chef Matt: My wife does not cook. We go out a lot. She’s in retail we don’t have normal hours. But I am simple. We go out to eat a lot so its basic stuff. When we go out to dine which is occasionally we go to the popular places. I love Popeye’s fried chicken, white castle and pig out at taco bell. I do hate McD’s. Im just as human as the next person.

TLB: What is your favorite cookbook?

Chef Matt: I own a lot of cookbooks. But I do love Daniel Boulud’s Letters to a Young Chef. I know it’s not a cookbook. If you’re looking for food artistry Jean-George and Alfred Portale are two of my faves.

TLB: Hell’s Kitchen; what is your favorite story from your season?

Chef Matt: Chef Ramsey saying that was the best risotto to leave hells kitchen he only said that to me. I was the first one he said it to and everyone else he says it’s good.

TLB: Describe how you felt about Chef Ramsey during your time on the show. Do you feel the same way now?

Chef Matt: I love Chef Ramsey. He is a great chef. He reinvented me. Also people forget about Chef Scott and Chef Gloria on the show. Look Chefs yell; Ramsey wants passion and wants people to succeed.

TLB: Do you feel that you learned anything from the show that influenced your cooking?

Chef Matt: Yeah keep it simple. You can use flavors but keep it simple.

TLB: Would you participate in other cooking related productions?

Chef Matt: Yeah my own. Anyone want to produce a show?

TLB: What is Chef Matt’s dream job situation?

Chef Matt: I have a concept and concepts for restaurants that will put casual dinning over the edge. I need deep wallets to back me.

TLB: What do you want our reader to know about Chef Matt Sigel?

Chef Matt: I’m fun loving. I care about the customer. Personally besides cooking I love to read. Love politics. Have over 600 DVDs. And collect chef things (figurines, decorative stuff, have the Swedish Chef play set)

The Last Bite thanks Chef Matt for taking the time to answer our questions. If you would like to contact Chef Matt in regards to media, employment, or similar opportunities, contact The Last Bite or leave a comment here.

You Did WHAT with Chocolate!?!?

Chocolate. Can you think of a more perfect indulgence? Some people even claim to have an addiction to this dark, rich, sweet, and almost intoxicating treat. It has even been said to have the same effect as love on some people; releasing similar hormones that create the feeling of euphoria. Could it get any better?

Bisous Pure Belgian Chocolates in the UK felt that they had finally made an improvement that people would notice. And so was born “The Incredible Edible Anus”. Made of only the finest all natural Belgian chocolate and manufactured by hand in the UK, these curious “chocolate starfish” are sold both online and in stores at Coco de Mer in the UK and the USA.

Now, I know it’s hard to believe that this is serious, I didn’t at first. I assure you that the website is legitimate and there are pages of testimonials touting the magnificence of the puckered chocolate butt-holes:

‘Edible Anus Chocolates - World's Most Unique Gift Idea! They would make the PERFECT gift for your proctocologist. ’
Kristie Leong M.D.

‘The chocolates look incredibly realistic and they make a great gift.’
Boyz Magazine

They have a minimum order of five boxes, and each box contains a dark, milk, and white chocolate poop shoot.

If you’re a serious fan and can’t get enough; there is even a limited edition solid silver anus made from 55 grams of hallmarked silver, cradled in an elegant presentation box and exquisitely crafted into that most sensuous of body parts, this is a unique and thought-provoking gift. Edition of 100 (edition # engraved).

There is a link to the Coco de Mer website which according to the browsing I did is an adult store. They sell lingerie, toys, books, and yes edible anuses. There is an entire section dedicated to erotica and how-to guides. The site is done in a sensual and respectful manner and is not at all trashy or flashy. There is as U.S. site so purchases can be made on-line by U.S. customers without much difficulty. (http://www.coco-de-mer.co.uk/)

Is What You See, What You Get? Chili's Grill.

Have you ever gone into one of those family style or chain restaurants where the menu is loaded with pictures of the food? You know the menus with pictures of giant burgers or steaks dripping with melting compound butter.

How about prepared food packages with the beautifully styled food on the box. Have you ever been disappointed or maybe surprised by the quality of the contents?

In this new section of The Last Bite we'll look at the art of food marketing. You will see the difference between what you were promised and what you actually receive.

Today we visited Chili's Grill & Bar, an international restaurant chain. Chili's loves to fill their menu with seductive shots of sexy food to entice you.

We ordered the JALAPEÑO SMOKEHOUSE BACON BIG MOUTH BURGER described in the menu as:

Extra thick-cut applewood smoked bacon topped with smoked cheddar cheese, crispy tortilla strips, jalapeños, mayo, shredded lettuce, tomato and onion. Served with jalapeño-ranch dressing.

And here is the accompanying photo:

How could you not want to get this beauty? Look at that thick sliced bacon, crispy tortilla strips, melty cheese, and perfect patty nestled atop perfect layers of produce and sliced pickled jalapenos. Notice how the seeded bun is perched perfectly to show off those lean strips of perfectly crisped bacon. This is truly a masterpiece of a burger. I'm sure glad I ordered it! But is this what I got?.....

OK so admittedly this burger is not as pretty as the photo in the menu, but no one expected it to be, did they? It is however pretty darned close. All the elements of the picture are represented in the real deal and with a bit more care I bet Chili's could actually get a few out a day that almost hit the mark. It be nice if the bacon wasn't trying to escape off the side of the burger. It would also be nice if the bacon was even half a crisp as the bacon in the picture appeared to be. You don't see any translucent fatty bacon on the top picture do you? Even though you don't see tomato in the real deal it was there, and the tortilla strips tasted like they had been in the kitchen for a month but in all fairness this is an likeness comparison and the strips in the menu picture could be made of Kevlar and fiberglass for all I know.

All in all I'm gonna have to give Chili's Grill a WYSIWYG Grade C. When it comes to the JALAPEÑO SMOKEHOUSE BACON BIG MOUTH BURGER What you see is almost what you get. And what you will get when you order this in undoubtedly full!

Do you have a WYSIWYG? Send us the information and we'll follow up, or send us your photos and we'll post them for other to see If What You See Is What You Get!

Hell's Kitchen Season Five Begins

Tonight was the opening night of Hell’s Kitchen season 5; the show where renowned celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey berates a ragtag team of wannabe cooks. These 16 cooks are vying for Ramsey’s attention in hopes that they will win the prize of a quarter million dollars and a position at the Borgata Hotel Casino in Atlantic City.

At first impression the teams that were chosen for this season seemed to be of higher caliber than the prior season with more executive and sous chefs in the line. Once the tasting of their opening dishes commenced it was clear that some of the contestants were clearly not destined for greatness. Ben seemed to do well with his version of Peking duck in contrast to Colleen’s “Diaper” of enchiladas. As it turns out Colleen the cooking instructor actually has no formal cooks training. There seemed to be a few stand out dishes but for the most part Chef Ramsey spent a lot of time spitting out food.

As usual most patrons in the Hell’s Kitchen dining room don’t get fed until the 5th or 6th episode. Having so many trained cooks on the line; one would think they could get out a single service for dinner, but that would not really make great TV would it.

The red team (girls) had a few issue right from the start with buffet cook Lacey quitting during prep. It seemed that the ice cream machine had gotten the better of her. Once the work was done she miraculously pulled herself together to join the rest for dinner service announcing to her team that she had never worked on a line before and would need to be helped. That’s when Coi called her out in front of Chef Ramsey and threatened to take care of her if she got her kicked off the show.

The blue team (boys) were not without their problems when Wil with one L, seemed to lose all semblance of what a cook does, and Seth; who has already alienated himself from the entire team, could not seems to put out a lamb chop to save his life. Ramsey has taken to calling Seth Forrest, as in Gump and need not worry about what to call Wil as he’s already been eliminated. It truly does suck the worst to be first.

Gourmet Food or WMD. You Be The Judge.

Steve Carell dealves deep into the world of Ultra-Hot hot sauces. While many a Chile-head would argue that this is merely a harmless food, Steve contends that there may be more than meets the eye in the Fiery-food industry. Since this video there has been a huge surge in the popularity of Ultra-hot sauces like, Baboon Ass Brand GONE RABID, Ultimate Insanity, Death Lizard and many more the the Uber blazing hot, face melting sauces.

Really, It's Gourmet: 1000 Year Old Egg

This installment of “Really, It’s Gourmet” will acquaint you with a traditional Chinese delicacy that has been around since the Ming Dynasty about 500 years ago.

The Century Egg , also known as preserved egg, hundred-year egg, thousand-year egg, and thousand-year-old egg, is a Chinese culinary ingredient made by preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in mixture of clay, ash, salt, lime, and rice straw for several weeks to several months, depending on the method of processing. After the process is completed, the yolk becomes a dark green, cream-like substance with a strong odor of sulfur and ammonia, while the white becomes a dark brown, transparent jelly with little flavor or taste. Doesn’t that sound yummy boys and girls? Sulfur and ammonia, I’m sorry, is that the description for food or the public restrooms on Fisherman’s Warf?

As putrid as this may sound to most people, even today this method of preserving eggs is widely practiced. Modern understanding of the chemistry behind the formation of century eggs has led to many simplifications in the recipe. For instance soaking the eggs in brine of salt and for 10 days followed by several weeks of aging while wrapped in plastic is said to achieve the same effect as the traditional method.

There are many ways to eat Century Eggs; on their own as a side dish. As an hors d'oeuvre, the Cantonese wrap chunks of this egg with slices of pickled ginger root. The most popular seems to be to cut them up into tiny cubes and cook them with rice porridge to create Century egg and Lean Pork congee. A popular street food in Hong Kong consists of whole century eggs coated in fish meal, breaded, and deep-fried. Here in the US a popular way to eat 1000 year old egg is to have it force fed to you because you lost a bet!

There are many strange and wonderful gourmet dishes prepared around the world, some we simply embrace and other we must say “Really, It’s Gourmet”!

Recipe: Century egg and Lean Pork Congee

Ingredients
2 century eggs
8oz lean pork
8 cups of plain rice porridge
1 tbsp sliced ginger
1 tbsp chopped spring onion
1 sprig of cilantro

Seasonings
pinch of pepper
1 1/3 tbsp salt
dash of sesame oil

Directions

1. Remove the shell of the century egg and cut into small cubes
2. Marinate the lean pork with 1 tbsp of salt
3. Cook 8 cups of plain rice porridge
4. Add the century egg, lean pork, ginger and the seasonings
5. Cook a further 5 minutes

Championship Barbecue Equipment by Adidas?

Really?
Barbecue shoes?
You bet!



Thanks to a collaboration between San Francisco's Upper Playground design group and Adidas you can be sporting these spiffy red and white gingham barbecue inspired shoes complete with a kettle grill on the back and some shiny silver utensils on the side. These elements will considerably improve the overall barbecue experience. I understand these shoes are equally effective in the support of both the cookery and eating aspects of the barbecue sport.

Interestingly the inspiration for these shoes is one of my favorite barbecue restaurants; Memphis Minnie's. You can search through the blog archive for a full review on Memphis Minnie's Bar-B-Que Joint.

If you'd like to own a pair of these shoes you might need to look around because only 4000 pairs were ever made. If you find a pair you will want to make sure you don't drip any BBQ sauce on them because they are about $200. Of course there's always plenty of barbecue to go around and it costs significantly less.

We've included a video of the Walrus from Upper Playground at Memphis Minnie's in San Francisco talking about their inspiration for these shoes and other projects.

Is Barbecue Season Is Here?

You might be a redneck artist if messy, rib-eating fingers inspires you to finger paint.
As seen on CMT "Country Fried Home Videos"

Get your painting supplies at www.rojosgourmet.com

Review: Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce

Hey Foodies what’s shakin’? Well I’ll tell you what’s shakin’; this bottle of Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce. Got any idea why it’s shakin’? It’s shakin because Crazy Ed put this silly little flip top restrictor cap on a nice thick hot sauce and the only way to get enough of the darn stuff out is to shake the shit out of the jar.

Initial Impression: The fist thing I noticed about 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce is that it looks remarkably like Tabanero sauce. The big difference being that Tabanero is 10 words less than 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce. Beside the extremely verbose title I think this packaging look cool. I like the clear label; it really shows of the amazing orange color of the sauce. The visual appeal of this sauce made me feel joyful, as if something good was about to happen. Now if you could only figure out what you actually want to call it.

Ingredients: Fresh carrots, selected red peppers, fresh onions, key lime juice, garlic & salt.

Hmmm? Carrots are listed before peppers; and where is the beer? The name says Chili Beer in big letters remember; 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce. I guess in all fairness it does say “Brand” after “Chili Beer”. I gotta say though, I was actually expecting to see beer in the ingredients list. I suppose I have to let this one go since I don’t have baboon listed as ingredient in my stuff.

Appearance: Boy this 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce is bright orange and nice and thick. It sticks to the sides of the bottle and it also sticks to whatever you put it on. Now I am really getting anxious to taste this practically glowing orange sauce.

Aroma: When you smell 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce you might find yourself smiling. I know I did. The crisp fragrance of habanero peppers is dominant here. Upon taking another generous snoot full of this pleasing perfume I noticed the onion is gently lingering in the background. I found the bouquet of 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce to be simple yet well balanced.

Taste: I always like to have a taste before trying any sauce on food. How else will you know with what foods a particular sauce might combine well? When I tasted 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce I noticed that the peppers were not the star of the show here. The acidity of the lime juice seems to jump out at you first. The next thing to happen is a little onion flavor comes forward and finally the peppers show up in the form of both flavor and heat. I would rate the heat of 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce at about a 3-4 out of 10. This sauce, however, is so nicely balanced you might not mind the absence of blistering heat here. Of course this is Hot Sauce blog!

The Food Test: When I first saw 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce I thought Beer. And what goes great with beer, pizza of course. But I was in the mood for some more than just pizza tonight, so I decided to test 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce on a Mediterranean Falafel pizza complete with tahini sauce. Well, I managed to kill about 4 pieces of pizza and I consumed about ¼ of the bottle of 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce. I could not think of a better sauce for the job. It’s like they were made for each other. This tangy, oniony, pepper sauce has won over my palette with or without the beer.

Conclusion: 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce is obviously suffering from some sort of multiple personality issue or perhaps even an identity crisis. Regardless of the name I like this sauce! Even though on the back it says “use chili beer hot sauce…” and there is no beer in it, I like this sauce. If you want a great flavored sauce that won’t burn your face off, you’ll like this sauce too!

Packaging 7/10 – 100% Natural Crazy Ed’s Cave Creek Chili Beer Brand Hot Sauce?
Aroma 9/10 – Fresh, Habanero & Onion
Appearance 9/10 – Bright Orange
Taste 9/10 – Well Balanced
Heat 4/10 – Not Habanero Hot.

Overall 8/10

More Presidential Candidate Hot Sauce Results

The hot sauce polls are tallied and closed for the week ending October 14th, 2007. Clinton has taken a two point lead on Obama and Nunov Deabove is in third place with 10% of the votes.

Giuliani has slipped to 4th place with nine percent of the Chile-heads vote. Dave the creator of the world famous Insanity Sauce; the hottest sauce in the universe ties Gore, Thompson, Romney, and McCain in fifth place, a slip from last week.

The newest candidate to join the Chile-head Presidential campaign is Ron Paul. Since his label was just created the stats are not yet available.

Vote for your favorite candidate at RoJo's Gourmet Foods by ordering their sauce. We will update you every week until the Election. If there is a candidate that you don't see on our list let us know if you want to vote for them. If you think you stand a better chance all you need to do is email us and order 10 cases and we'll make you a label. To get your own Presidential candidate label email us at runningmate@innuendofoods.com

Vote/Buy your candidate here...

"Choplifting"; A New Trend in Meat Larceny

By ROBIN STEIN - St Petersburg Times

TARPON SPRINGS — The chase ended before it began on a Saturday morning last month, the getaway plan foiled by a fatefully positioned curb in the Winn-Dixie parking lot. By the time police arrived, the tripped-up culprit was lying face down on the asphalt, trailed by his loot.

But there were no cartons of cigarettes, boxes of Sudafed or hair dye — none of the traditional fare of supermarket bandits. The bounty targeted in this score was three plastic-wrapped packs of six, seeping red, nicely marbled rib-eye steaks.

Curious, perhaps, but not unusual.

Meat seems to be quite popular among local shoplifters, a review of recent Tarpon Springs police records shows. Of the seven theft calls from the local Publix and Winn-Dixie stores officers responded to in January, six involved some sort of flesh.

And evidence suggests the trend extends far beyond the city limits.

One indicator is the emergence of the Web site — www.meatthief.com — a hub set up to honor humankind’s “unconditional love for meat” and the “extreme measures a few will undertake to possess its glory,” the welcome message states.

The anonymous host — “Baron Claus von Lambshank” — posts commentary about “outrageous” incidents involving “meat larceny throughout the globe,” along with links to media coverage.

There was a spate of “choplifting events” in Scranton, Pa., a “serial food thief” in East St. Louis facing his fourth arrest for stealing hams from the same store.

Bolstering this snarky compilation of anecdotal accounts is statistical evidence.

The Food Marketing Institute, an industry group based in Washington, D.C., conducts annual surveys of supermarkets across the country.

“Losses of meat were up if you look at the long-term trend,” said William Greer, a spokesman for the institute.

“Typically they are very high quality cuts.”

Meat — along with pain killers — topped the list of most frequently shoplifted items in the institute’s most recent report, which analyzed data from more than 7,000 stores owned by 42 retailers

Data shows that after four years of decline, shoplifting accounted for 35 percent of total product loss in 2005, up from 30 percent a year earlier.

Meat loss dropped off a bit since the unprecedented high of 2004, but not nearly as much as health and beauty care products, which propelled flesh-eating thievery to the top spot.

The biggest factor, according to Greer, is a growth of professional theft rings, which have orchestrated major resale scams of batteries, cigarettes and baby formula in recent years. Now, similar operations — on a local scale — have emerged in meat trade, Greer said.

“It’s a perishable item, but you have people who will go around with a cooler in their car and take orders at bars and restaurants ...usually for choice pieces of meat.”

The extent of the informal meat trade is unclear, since the survey captures only the volume of loss stores find out about —a fraction of what’s actually stolen. But supermarket companies, from independent operators to publicly traded chains, have been taking notice.

Greer said retailers have developed several hi-tech countermeasures. Digital cameras are being installed to monitor meat cooler areas. Tiny sensors that trigger alarms are embedded in labels and cloths placed underneath meat.

On the legal side, an industry-wide coalition has been pressing lawmakers to stiffen penalties for shoplifters operating as part of an organized theft ring, arguing that the petty theft measures currently on the books do not provide a strong deterrent.

Currently, only about half — between 44 and -59 percent-— of the shoplifters caught are turned over to authorities, the FMI survey shows.

***

Even with the weak laws, Tarpon Springs police are responding to plenty of meat theft calls.The curb-foiled getaway at Winn-Dixie, for instance, resulted in three counts of retail theft for 24-year old Brady P. Kusmierczyk, of New Port Richey.

Two days earlier, police responded to call from Publix about 10 minutes to noon. A loss prevention officer for Publix observed a woman stash a bottle of shampoo in her purse, proceed down aisle 4 to the sushi cooler, and slip two packs of the raw fish in her bag. After the suspect sauntered past the cash registers, a confrontation ensued. The suspect reportedly dropped her loot and dashed to her 1995 Chevrolet Tracker, which a police officer later traced to one Sarah Dale Waguespack, 24, of Holiday.

Records showed Waguespack had two prior theft convictions.

Also at Publix, a 48-year-old man from Tarpon Springs was caught with sushi, along with Nathan’s franks and a pack of ground sirloin. Loss prevention officers also thwarted a middle-aged woman’s attempt to skip out without paying for her chicken tenders.

Back at Winn Dixie, less than a week after Kusmierczyk and his steaks were cleared from the parking lot, Gigi Sessions was spotted entering the rest room carrying a pack of boneless rib-eyes. When Sessions came out, she appeared to be holding only a jeans jacket.

After failing to locate the meat inside the rest room, store employees approached Sessions to find out what she was carrying under her jacket.

When a police officer later asked why she had chosen to steal the most expensive meat, Sessions said, “If you’re going to go, you should go all the way.”